When it comes to sex, one question tends to sit silently in the back of many minds: How often should we be doing it?
It’s a fair question, especially when sex is portrayed everywhere—films, social media, even casual conversations. It can feel like everyone else is getting it on constantly while you’re just… not. Add marriage, kids, stress, and age into the equation, and sex often becomes more complicated than anyone expected.
But here’s the thing—there’s no magic number. And that’s not a cop-out. It’s the truth backed by research, expert opinion, and real-life experience.
So, how often do couples actually have sex?
A 2020 YouGov survey offers some useful insight. Pre-pandemic data showed that 27% of people reported having sex in any given week:
11% had sex once 7% had sex twice 9% had sex three or more times
Meanwhile, the UK’s largest sexual lifestyle survey, Natsal-3, found that couples in long-term relationships have sex about once a week on average. Those who are married or living together have sex about four times a month, while single, divorced, or widowed individuals reported just once a month.
But take a pause before you compare. Sexologist Mariàn Martínez puts it simply:
“If you’re having mind-blowing sex once a month, that’s amazing. If you’re having it three times a week but it feels like a chore, that’s a problem.”
Numbers don’t tell the full story. What matters is if both partners feel satisfied—not how often they check off a calendar box.
Does sex frequency change with age and time in a relationship?
Yes—and it’s completely natural.
According to YouGov, 18–19-year-olds who had sex in the past week did it 3.2 times on average. This is the highest across all age groups, which makes sense given youthful hormones and fewer responsibilities.
As you age or spend more time in a relationship, sex tends to slow down. But that’s not a bad thing. According to Martínez, hormonal shifts are part of this journey.
Testosterone and other sex-drive hormones decrease over time, while bonding hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin rise. That means the focus moves from lust to emotional closeness. Life also throws in some unavoidable roadblocks: work stress, parenting, finances, family responsibilities, or health issues.
Still, growing older doesn’t mean your sex life ends. That’s an outdated myth. Many people in their 50s, 60s, and even 70s are still having sex—some multiple times a week. The average remains close to 0.8 times per week, showing that desire doesn’t just vanish with age.
Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, another respected voice in sexual health, highlights that sexual activity is influenced by many factors:
“Familiarity, lack of prioritization, stress, kids, finances, and even caring for loved ones—all of these can affect how often couples engage in sex.”
In long-term relationships, the challenge isn’t just desire—it’s keeping the connection alive through all life’s distractions.
Is it normal to want more—or less—sex than your partner?
Completely.
Sexual desire is deeply personal. Some people have a higher libido. Others feel satisfied with infrequent intimacy. And even within a relationship, desires can shift depending on emotional states, physical health, or lifestyle.
What’s important is understanding why differences exist and how you manage them as a couple. If one person wants sex daily and the other once a month, it doesn’t mean someone is “too much” or “not enough.” It simply means there’s a mismatch that requires open conversation and mutual respect.
Some couples find creative ways to meet in the middle—exploring new forms of intimacy, scheduling time together, or just checking in emotionally. Others may benefit from speaking with a therapist or sexologist to bridge the gap.
Shame, pressure, or silence around sex often create more harm than the issue itself.
When should you worry about your sex life?
Only when it causes tension, confusion, or emotional distance.
If you or your partner feel unsatisfied, disconnected, or resentful, it’s worth exploring the reasons behind that. Sometimes a dry spell is just that—a temporary pause caused by stress, fatigue, or poor timing. Other times, it can be a sign of deeper emotional or relational issues.
Also, if sex feels like an obligation or becomes completely absent without discussion, that’s a good time to check in with each other. Not with judgment, but with honesty.
It’s important to remember that sexual health is part of overall relationship health. It’s less about frequency and more about connection, communication, and care. Every couple has their own rhythm, and that rhythm can change over time. What worked five years ago may not work today—and that’s okay.
Whether you’re having sex three times a week or once every few months, what matters most is mutual fulfillment. If you’re both happy, you’re doing it right. And if you’re not, the best step forward is a gentle conversation—not a comparison with statistics.
